fear and thankfulness

This morning has been an emotional rollercoaster ride. The day started with Ethan's 8 year old well check. We decided to make it a family affair since the boys both like going to the doctor and both Kyle and I like to be there for appointments.

Nancy asked us if we had any concerns and I noted that E seems to tire easily while doing active things. For instance, if we walk to Cub (only a couple of blocks away), he can barely make it home! It really started to concern me on our recent trip to the North Shore where we did a small hike at Gooseberry Falls, drove to Tettegouche State Park, and we were going to hike to a waterfall in that park. Well, Ethan was so tired that he decided to stay back at the picnic area with Grandma and Grandpa. I told this story to Nancy and asked if it could be thyroid or something like that. She said that thyroid was highly unlikely. So, then she started the physical. When it came time to listen to his heart, she listened, and listened, and listened, asked Alexander to quiet down, and listened some more. She finally stopped and said that she wanted to get a second opinion about something that she was hearing. She asked Ming to come in and she heard the same thing. They were hearing a murmur in his aorta, but only when he was lying down. They asked if we could take him today to a pediatric cardiologist if they could get us in. Both Kyle and I had plenty of obligations at work, but it was amazing at how trivial they seemed in comparison to a possible health issue with our child.

The drive to the cardiologist was a difficult one. We were trying to suppress our utter fear about what the doctor would find and Ethan was complaining about missing play time with his friends. We just let him rant about it because we figured that it was misplaced emotion and he was actually expressing the fear that he was feeling about being sent from one doctor to another.

We arrived at Children's and Ethan's mood changed from angry to excited. It is extremely helpful that the colors and designs at Children's is actually geared toward children. Ethan couldn't wait to see what was around each corner and to see where his doctor's office was located.

After a short detour through the hospital and across the street to one of the medical buildings, We got to meet the pediatric cardiologist. He was wonderful and had a great bedside manner. Ethan was also amazing. Where do children get their strength? Some might say that ignorance is bliss, but I think that it is something deeper than that. They are able to stand up to unknown situations and just shine - often better than adults. Ethan had a chest x-ray and then we had to wait a short time for the doctor. The doctor listened and listened to Ethan's chest. He then asked Ethan if it would be okay for the resident to listen to his heart. E agreed that it would be fine, so the doctor left the room to get the x-rays. Everything looked clear on the x-ray. The only thing that the doctor saw was a big air bubble in E's tummy. He told him to eat more! The doctor told us that everything looked fine and that the murmur is what they call an "innocent murmur". Thank goodness! I could have wept when I heard those words. My body just melted and relief waved over me.

Thank you to the small group of people who touched us along the way who made the experience bearable: Nancy C for the hugs and words of understanding; Rosie for making the appointment and then sitting with me and patting my arm while I cried; Barb at daycare for hugging me and praying for Ethan; the wonderful nurses at all of the offices who made E comfortable; and my Mom for her prayers of thankfulness when she heard the news after the event. I am thankful to all of you and I am thankful that everything turned out okay.